Freedom and Stuff

, originally uploaded by sarahkit.

For the past few weeks everything has been turning up Millhouse. The third round of co-habitation with girlie went beautifully, tickets for the summer of love were purchased, and I was taken out for meals by loved ones and volunteering hookups about 7 times in twice as many weeks. Last Sunday the T.O.D.D. Squad took advantage of potheads to great success with a well thought out bakesale on the grounds of the VAG on 4:20 and our final event, The Bowling Ball, went off without terrible hitches, all in all raising about $2500 for the MS Society.

Last Friday was my last day at TC and it was really really sad to leave. Despite all of the drama and stress that I have had over that place, some of the people I have worked with have been amazing and I am a little sad to say that I am no longer working for the man. A few minutes after I removed my TCID and handed over my door passes and cubical keys I had to run to finish off some paperwork on another floor so I bolted - I felt soo free. It was really neat. Also, on this oh perfect of days, I was offered a job. Although I havn't had an interview with them, they checked up on my references and want me an awefull lot from Tuesday untill the end of June- just funnily enough, the time when I would need to call any job quits in order for me to take off on my journey. Maby even the best part is that this job is at the the Commission for Complaints against the RCMP. Making a difference, no?

This past Saturday I participated in Earth Day at Jericho park, as per the glorius photo, it was pretty idylic. After a full day of facepainting on kids, including three SpiderMan masks and a dog-girl, I headed off to Jericho Garrison as Ei had invited me to their yearly Stand-Down bbq but she caught me before I had gone too far and we dased under an old willow tree and rolled about in the pastoral scene.

Sunday was the MS SuperCities walk, the end to the T.O.D.D. events, and it was great fun. Being at this beach so early was a good expierience for me, it felt somehow different. These lingering backpacking emotions followed me, perhaps it was the excitement and the drive to go and get out there, but being held back by unmovable events - such as the fact that it was 8am on a damp day at the beach. Regardless, it was a lovley event and getting together with the rest of the team was another great seies of jokes and goofing off.


And today, today I was unemployed for the first time in I don't know how long. I received my acceptance letter to Concordia, made eggs for my family, cleaned my room, got my hair cut, kissed the woman I love, eat the food of the woman I love because she is the best damn girlfriend ever and made it because I was comming, went on a rainy beach dog walk with one of my best friends and had dinner with my favorite non-biologically-related family.



Thanks for the past little while universe.
It has been pretty rad.



Love,
Sarah

, originally uploaded by sarahkit.

There are some moments in life when you really can see that just about any thing that runs your way can turn out as a positive. These moments can only take shape when you accept the fact that your life is your own; it is your job to direct it as you see fit. Happiness is one's own to control.

My office runs the full gamete of stress and workload for a variety of reasons, but my co-worker Amanda and I have worked out how put a great barrier in the stream of negativity and direct that flow into the plains of joy where the water gets all rainbowy and pretty. It's called running. Office life is stagnant and in human, often without any creative expressions or ways to have a good time (if you don't get your jollies from 10key and printing labels). Well, when Amanda and I are having an off day, or a good day for that matter, we randomly run around. Sure the desinations of our short sprints have their need but it is in the getting there that we get to find some personal worth.
She is a purveyor of the knee bent, feet close to the ground with bent arms pumping wildly sprint, where I like to take mine in leaps; floating midair and feeling like a dandelion puff settling to the ground with a sigh. I shit you not, my eyes actually glaze over with joy in the fleeting moment away from all of the stress, but the beauty of it is that realizing the fact that you have actually just leapt down the hallway in a governmental building makes you smile at how silly it is, and then a piece of that happiness carries on therefore; decreasing mental strain and in turn increasing productivity.


Soon perhaps this method of workplace therapy may become lost in the sea of paperwork for which even my highest leap may not bring me out. But until that day I will continue to listen to the Greenbelt Collective at high volumes so xylophones are heard cubical away, decorate my space with a pride triangle, VPL Speaking Series poster, an Upcoming Events wall with private views splattered with pictures of my friends and places that inspire me to sit here all day and do what I can to make Canada better on days where I feel up to the task.

For the past few weeks my life has been in limbo. Well, really it has been like this for as long as I can remember. Parts of it make sense and seem to have a path before them who's end point gives me a smile and feel secure, where others can be so immediately daunting that I would rather pile them up in the 'to-do' corner of my room. Perhaps the layout of ones bedroom has much to show for the way that they life the world outside of it.

Chris dying perhaps was the start of this most recent stall period. Last weekend I spent my Saturday helping to put back together a scarred home with some of the friends left behind by this lovely boy, and others still who have come to love Nikki Shannon and feel the need to protect her from what they can in her son’s absence.

The day he died I saw the bathroom for the first time and it was the perfect boys bathroom. Cologne out on the dusty sink counter, his glasses smudgy and perched on the rim of porcelain, hairs of unknown origin and a girls bikini hanging over the shower curtain bar. The tub was filthy and the garbage can beside the toilet was filled with junk. The whole house was a mess that day, signs of his life everywhere; Primus was paused halfway through some song with an endlessly long title on his still-running computer, bed all messed up and gross, and one of the boxed Family Guy seasons on the coffee table by the couch. I was awash with this huge sense of regret when I saw Nologo out on that table too. There was so much alike in he and I but I missed my chance. His bookcases were covered with dust, sprinkled over all of it’s contense save for a few voids where novel or dvd’s had once lived. Right by his computer, at waist level, was a cigar box; the type you use to keep them moist or something. Under its glass cover was a photo of him and Jason when they were just kids. It was over exposed and looked like they were at their first drinking party or something. That box is the one that now holds his ashes.

All of the proof of his life, stacked as he saw fit, was piled in the center of the room come last Saturday with a new coat of paint on the walls.
Jason, Jesse and I built a deck that day. Jesse's dog Lucy kept humping his pant leg and the guy didn't seem at all phased; almost a little proud at how gross it was. The boys wouldn't stop asking me questions about my sex life. Chris apparently didn't let Jesse meet me because he wanted to keep me from this shit.

Chris saved Jesse's life a couple of times so I learned as we lingered in Chris's bedroom at one point in the afternoon. Lucy was on the bed by the pillow curled up. Jesse was selling coke in London when the two were living together. Chris could put up with that much but said the second he started selling crack, he would’ve been out of there.

I need to stop running away from people and clean my goddammed room.